The most common question I hear from people seeking public speaking advice in and outside of my Toastmasters’ groups is “How do I get rid of the butterflies I feel every time I go to speak?” My answer is the same every time. In the eyes of the other person I see either a look of relief or a look of dread.

So what’s the answer?

First, let me explain the nature of these pesky little creatures.

What you see and what you hear travel to two different places in your brain for processing.

First, the emotional response center of your brain receives the signal. It’s programming is simple: it wants to fight, flee from, feast on or get “friendly” with the subject.

When the subject is an obvious threat (e.g., a hungry lion), this part of the brain takes over and you RUN! When our ancestors learned how to make decent weapons (and train with them), some could override this response and harness the desire to fight. They’d move in to kill what was now an inferior threat.

Second, your big neocortex gets the signal and gets to be all logical. It thinks about the existential nature of the subject. It might even wax poetic and ask “to flee, or not to flee,” if you weren’t already hightailing it to the closest cover.

That’s right, the way your brain is wired, you don’t even get to be all “high minded” until you’ve pooped your pants and you’re running full speed away or pulling your sword out of the chest of whatever you just impaled.

Back to the butterflies…

Those butterflies you feel in your stomach are a sign that your Amygdala (that’s the emotional center of the brain) has gone to work. When perceiving a threat it puts adrenalin in your blood, along with some other hormones that take very quick control of your digestive system.

What’s the threat?

In Toastmasters it’s other people watching you speak.

OMG: strangers and people I know!

At work it’s your co-workers, your boss and people who dare look at you.

RUN!

Yep, your amygdala isn’t all that smart. It can’t tell the difference between a lion and your co-worker with bad hair. It can’t even tell the difference between an avalanche that’s about to bury you and a work deadline that’s a month away.

Given the right setting, they’re all a threat so the amygdala is just trying to do its job.

It doesn’t matter how logical you want to be.

The neocortex doesn’t have even the slightest amount of control over the amygdala and the amygdala gets to take action on what you see and hear before the neocortex even has a chance to think about it.

This means that you will always have that emotional response.

You will always feel the butterflies.

Getting rid of them isn’t really an option. The only way through this is conditioning.

Look up how Police Horses are trained to see just how effective such conditioning can be.

You need to experience the fake threat repeatedly.

You need to let the butterflies go Mardi Gras on your 25 feet of intestines.

Just let it happen and come out the other side so your amygdala can see that your perceived threat was not the same as a lion. Over time you’ll still feel the response but more as a gentle reminder from your amygdala saying “hey, I love you and just want to see you safe.” Now you have the freedom to make a choice about what to do next.

You don’t NEED to run.

You don’t NEED to fight.

What do I say when people ask “How do I get rid of the butterflies I feel every time I go to speak?”

The answer is “It’s not about getting rid of the butterflies. It’s about getting them to fly in formation.”

I hope now you understand why.

Technorati Tags: Emotional Intelligence, EQ

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Digg has released a new browser extension called DiggBar. It provides a significant uasbility improvement over the previous Digg Toolbar.

If you’re getting sick of toolbars taking up the top portion of your browser, DiggBar should make you happy. As you can see if the video, it only appears when you’re digging a page and then poof it’s gone.

The other handy improvement with DiggBar, over the previous Digg toolbar, is that when you Digg content that is already dugg, DiggBar simply adds your vote…without the need to open another browser window. It makes me wonder if someone at Digg installed the StumbleUpon toolbar and realized that it’s easy to use in every way that Digg is a hassle and a bore.

Not that I have an opinion on the subject…

Now that you have DiggBar installed, what can you digg?

1. News stories of interest to you: Digging content of interest to you applies to everything else as well.
2. Pictures: Check out sites like Flickr.com and picasaweb.com for pictures you find interesting, surprising, shocking, etc. and like with everything else make sure it’s something you’re ok being “seen with.”
3. Videos: Youtube.com viddler.com and the many, many video sharing sites out there provide tons of content…most of it not worth watching…Digg the stuff that’s interesting to you…
4. Your own content (blog): Do this very sparingly. The core Digg community opperates someone like a cartel (think of OPEC in the 70s) and some love to snoop around the profiles of others to see if they are spending too much time “self-promoting.” If you have a killer blog post, it might be best to ask someone you know to Digg it for you…or wait for it to happen naturally.

In case you’re wondering why I keep repeating the “of interest to you” point, the reason is simple. Everything you Digg is attached to your account. From a personal branding standpoint, people get a feel for who you are based on the types of things you’re interested in. When it comes to Digg, they look at your profile and observe your Digg history. While the news item about the Beer Pong championship might be amusing, it might not be something you want as a part of your persona brand.

You leave a trail on the Internet, so just use some thought…

Being a part of the Digg community also means engaging others through the comments on digg.com

Even though Digg has a feature called “shout” which allows you to broadcast a message to all your Digg-friends, it should be renamed to “piss everyone off.” Shouts are better left unused…when it is ok to use a shout? You’ll know when….

Digg is a fun site and there’s a reason it gets as much traffic as it does. Step into the cocktail party of social media and have some fun.

Technorati Tags: digg, flickr, picasaweb, Social Media, StumbleUpon, viddler, YouTube

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Emotional Intelligence is generating a lot of buzz as of late. Also known as EQ, it is a measure of how one manages oneself personally as well as interpersonally. Studies show there is no statistical correlation between IQ and EQ.

In other words, there are people with high IQs with low, average and high EQs.

There are people with low IQs with low, average and high EQs

Unlike IQ which is more or less fixed, EQ is highly elastic and can be developed. The importance of developing a high EQ cannot be understated. People with a high EQ posses a high level of self-awareness, self-management, social-awareness and relationship management.

As an example of low emotional intelligence in action in life, people with low EQs will often judge others based on “IQ capacity.” On the Internet, this is often observed between people complaining about the “authority” or “expertise” of another person. These people will demonstrate their own poor self-image by trying to compartmentalize others in a way to appear superior.

I’ve been studying EQ for several years (though certainly not a master of it) and these 5 books top my list of resources for learning about emotional intelligence as well as how to develop it.

Emotional Intelligence Quickbook: Travis Bradberry

Seems like anything with “Quickbook” in the title, is worth reading first…though I read this one most recently. The Emotional Intelligence Quickbook is a great starting reference, filled with great real-world examples. As a bonus, the book includes a code which can be used on the web site. The 29 question quiz accurately assesses EQ and provides a custom PDF with actions for further developing each quality of EQ.

Emotional Intelligence: Daniel Goleman

This is easily the best book written specifically on the topic of Emotional Intelligence with over 5 million copies in circulation. Author Daniel Goleman, packs a lot of reading into this guide which shows how IQ is not the end-all for professional, personal, and leadership development. Many failures and frustrations are experienced by those who believe they can simply “reason out” the equation for a problem.

The New Psycho-Cybernetics: Maxwell Maltz

One concept that really hit me while reading The New Psycho-Cybernetics is that self-image and self-confidence are not the same thing. A person can have complete confidence in a destructive self-image which can lead to even greater hardship and stress. For example, a person can have absolute confidence in their inability to love or be loved, being too fat or too skinny and not having enough money, time, resources, etc., to get what he or she wants in life.

The New Psycho-Cybernetics provides the resources and know-how to put EQ development into motion and also explains the roadblocks and issues which will arise as anyone attempts to further develop them self.

The Compassionate Samurai: Brian Klemmer

An improved level of emotional intelligence is all well and good, but those with a self-image tied up in scarcity and a non-productive self-image will be…well, self-aware of how unproductive they are. In this book, author Brian Klemmer illustrates some important concepts about how to get out of your own way but also how to deal with the requirements behind building momentum from none.

A great concept in The Compassionate Samurai is about how “excuses” and “context” have nothing to do with accountability. The typical M.O. of “the world” is to demand or provide excuses and stories which somehow justify where someone currently is or why they aren’t getting results. This false accountability provides ammunition for amateur psycho-analysis and the person providing the excuses or context descriptions may believe they justify their current location. The point of The Compassionate Samurai is that your current location is your current location and until you’re able to stand in that spot, and admit it without the slightest need to provide an excuse, you’re not being accountable at all.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Stephen Covey

If you haven’t read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, where have you been for the past 15 years? The framework for this book is 7 timeless principals which span the aspects of emotional intelligence.

The principal-centered approach of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is a great framework for people who are uncomfortable being out of their IQ for solving all of life’s problems. I’m not sure if this was Dr Covey’s intention, but following the 7 habits probably fools many into developing a higher EQ without realizing it.

Technorati Tags: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Compassionate Samurai, Emotional Intelligence, Psycho-Cybernetics, Social Intelligence

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